I am Impressed.
Good job.
You did it again!
Really… that’s a powerful, powerful gift you have.
I mean, seriously.
Great fucking gift.
You can manage to make every single thing in this fucking world
Revolve around you.
Truly, deeply astonished.
It’s incredible the type of manipulative power you have over people.
This one thing..
This one thing was mine.
This day…
And now it’s yours.
Have it.
You deserve it.
You deserve a lot of things.
After this though…
Don’t expect any more from me.
I’m tired of giving you everything I have for absolutely nothing in return.
I saw him there.
Just standing there like a piece of the background.
Unnoticed by all but myself.
I saw him standing there intently watching over the waves of people.
In the end, everyone well fall victim to this watcher.
Our unwanted guardian.
I watched as he was deciding.
He was choosing.
I stood there scroutinizing him for what seemed to be hours before I had caught his attention.
He stopped searching.
He had found what he was wanting..
He found me.
My heart began pounding as I faced what I knew would be my end.
He slowly made his way to me
when I uttered a single word. “Why?”
A few passersby looked my way in confusion.
They did not see what was right before them…
But me saying that one word stopped him.
He just stood still staring at me before turning around and gracefully began moving toward the opposite direction.
I stood hearing to my heart beat heavily
waiting for the inevitable.
Then I turned and saw it.
A normal thing. Just a car that had seemingly lost control.
I didn’t bother trying to run.
Why prolong something I can’t escape?
I knew the impact would kill me in an instant
so I just stood there and closed my eyes.
Nothing happened.
When I opened them once again, I saw his silhouette gliding away out of my peripheral vision.
You’re disgusting.
In fact, you’re repulsive.
You’re weak.
You’re a sick, selfish creature.
You don’t deserve it.
You are not worth it, you unreliable, manipulative bitch.
You are nothing.
Stop thinking you’re worth something.
Because you’re not.
You’re just greedy and unkind.
You’re heartless.
You don’t care about anyone’s happiness but your own.
Stop acting as if the world owes you something
when all you do is whine, cry and sit in your room pitying yourself.
It’s your fault you’re alone.
It’s your fault that you are unhappy.
Nobody else’s.
So stop, Paige.
It’s not your family.
It’s you.
I wish I could watch you cry.
I yearn to watch you suffer.
I crave to watch you burn in Hell
by the likes of which you’ve forced me
to trudge my way through daily.
I want to watch you squirm
as a blade pushes into you harder
I want to watch the blood pour
as I force it into you deeper and deeper..
I want to hear you scream
Scream in terror as you look up
at my face smiling down at your pain
Oh, I want to watch as you die.
Trembling. Gasping. Weakening.
By my hands.
Your Hell is my Heaven and
Your pain is my bliss.
Your death is my only escape.
She’s sitting there.
All of her thoughts on the floor
wondering about what more could be living amongst the trees
in the cold night she closes her eyes and dreams.
She dreams of goodbyes and hellos and the sunrise in the distance.
She dreams of the face of the child she lost long ago
and the “man” that abandoned her
As she listens to the wind and the rain hitting the windows.
It gets louder and louder as her thoughts consume.
The lonesomeness getting the best of her innocence.
She decides that it’s best to just end it.
That feeling tumbling through her is enough to murder anyone.
Confusion mixed with loathing, fear and betrayal creating a deadly concoction that could leave anybody trembling.
She knows they say revenge isn’t worth it but the sting shall give him a reason to regret ever giving her that pitiful pang in her chest.
Those days of sobbing
Those days of worrying
Worrying over him
The one who left her.
Betrayed her.
Hurt her.
Sitting alone wondering why she still cares about him.
Wishing she never loved him.
Let’s just say
We’ll jump and we’ll see if we make it
Just hold my hand as we fall down.
These feelings inside
they are filling my mind
rising from beneath the ground
And I don’t know if I can get through this
Just don’t leave me here on my own
I need to know if it’s time to let go
Or if I should hold on tighter
Just please let this feeling that’s between us
not be phased by this land separating us
Through these miles apart
I can still feel your heart
Beating in synchronization with mine
And though our story may be coming to a close
I’ll hold your memories close
and I’ll only let go
when you want to know
If this can be the end.
It’s okay, Paige.
Everything is always okay.
So what?
So you’re family is going through absolute shit?
So what?
So you just lost your 3 closest friends?
So what?
So you’re failing a class?
So what?
So the one person that you trust and love more than any other human or thing in this entire world just told you that you’re not even important enough to him that he even remembers to talk to you?
So fucking what?
Smile.
It’s all you’ve got going for you.
You have a few others who can make you feel a little bit better.
You have family, even if they’re across the country, that cares about you.
You have food on your plate and you’re getting an education.
There are people out here rooting for you to get better.
So do it.
You can. It’s not impossible.
You wouldn’t want to disappoint the people that have been here for you the whole time right?
So smile. Be grateful.
Family problems will be resolved.
You don’t need those three friends.
You’re not going into a career revolving around Chemistry.
You don’t need him.
So smile.
You are okay.
You are okay.
One lone man staring up at the skylines
Holding tight to his ideals,
regretting his past crimes.
He’s thinking too quickly; his thoughts all a blur.
His mind, it is racing as he’s pacing and pacing
trying to separate emotions from actions and lies from the truth,
Opinions from facts and he thinks of what what he would do
if he knew the truth from the lies
wondering if he prefers being able to hide
from the world with none of them knowing
his name or his face or his past life.
He looks for himself within himself
but sees no one there.
“YOU ARE NOTHING!” he shouts, to the barren night sky
He falls to the ground convulsing in tears and cries
He thinks of how it must feel to die
Oh! Precious death, where are you?
I need you
are you here, are you anywhere near?
Oh, death, it’s not you that I fear.
It’s the lonesomeness within my grave that
my thoughts can’t seem to bear.
